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Jurassic World: Lost Franchise


I saw Jurassic World: Lost Kingdom today. It's an almost entirely forgettable film, contrived and empty, but it is quite entertaining, and (thanks to horror weened director J.A. Bayona) successfully creepy in several places. I'm of the opinion that the Jurassic Park universe is too small for them to keep creating films in that franchise, unlike say Star Wars, Star Trek or the Marvel Cinematic Universe, where there's more possibilities for the kinds of stories you can tell. This is why there's only really been two or three good Jurassic Park films, and certainly only one brilliant one.

Honestly, the only place I can see them going with this franchise is the idea of dinosaurs as weapons of war, mainly because that's how I imagine they'd get used if they existed in the real world. Here's my idea of how this idea could manifest itself cinematically:

The Jurassic Hurt Locker Owen Grady is sent to Iraq to lend his dino-whispering skills to front line velociraptors. The older, embittered Grady of this film isn't in the game because he sees himself as a surrogate father to these killers - he's got risk addiction. At the end, he returns from duty but finds the world of America alien to him. There's nothing for him here. Incapable of deciding what to buy from a supermarket's wall of endless cereal options, he signs up to do the one thing he loves (something he's sure to tell his and Claire's kid before departing) - taming raptors in the Middle East. Days left in rotation: 365.

Jurassic Heart of Darkness Claire is recruited by the US military to find Owen Grady, who has gone AWOL in the jungles of Central Africa after several raptors fell into the hands of Boko Haram. As Claire and her soldiers travel up river, madness takes hold. Who is the real savage, dinosaur or man? This film will gain tabloid attention for Chris Pratt's shaved-head look.

Das Jurassic Boot Submarine, loose raptors. I'll do the math for you: $2b global gross.

Jurassic Jarhead No dinosaurs in this one, just soldiers waiting to meet dinosaurs, which never happens.

Jurassic World: Grizzly Man Owen Grady, self styled raptor-whisperer, is deluded. His ability to tame history's greatest under-six-foot killing machine has actually thus far been luck. Nevertheless, he tours American schools showing kids videos of him in action. That is until he's eaten by a raptor. The death is filmed, but fortunately for all the lens cap was still attached. Narrated by Werner Herzog, who also films people's reactions to the sound of Grady dying.

Tune in tomorrow for my ideas about where DisneyToon can take it's Tinkerbell franchise.